Never goodbye, Only see you later.

This past week I rode the biggest emotional roller-coaster ever! I had to bid my earthly farewells to one of my very close relatives, Janelle Lula Davidson Tongaonevai. Never had I lost a closed loved one before, I didn't know how to control my thoughts and feelings. Lets start from the beginning. Janelle is my 1st cousin, but we were raised as sisters. My childhood is filled with so many great memories of being with my cousins, whether they were of us swimming in our backyard or going to our 1st fiji concert, they're my best memories. Throughout that whole period of my life, I dont think Janelle, Jarae, Jenise and I ever were separate. We were forever laughing together and having sleepovers over one anothers house. Our strong bond remained as we grew older. Whenever we needed to vent we always had each other to turn to, but I always would turn to Nelle. Not saying anything against Rae or Nise. lol. But I just always knew I could call Nelle up or text her when I needed some advice on something, she always knew exactly what to say to help me feel better about whatever situation I was in. She was so intelligent, when it came to Nelle things were always so organized and proper ESPECIALLY if it was her stuff. lol. I never dared touching her things without asking, that was the quickest way to make her mad. Me and Nelle had our own little special bond. When it came to hair, makeup and the girly things our family was always calling up me and Nelle. Every high school dance of hers she had me do her hair, which is why when they needed her hair done for the funeral I was the first they called. I could just hear her telling me exactly the way she wanted it. lol. She had the sweetest spirit! Nelle definitely did joke around alot and found laughter in other peoples embarrassment. lol. But she still somehow was very sweet and polite. Everyone that knew her, loved her. Her personality was magnetic, she was a born leader. Its weird having family functions without her, she always organized the cousin get togethers every weekend, you can feel her absence.

  I still remember the day she passed to the other side of the veil so very clearly. It was Thursday September 1st 2011. I remember everyone at work talking about the Utes first football game starts tonight, first thought to my mind was "Oh I better text Nelle and tell her to wish Ron good-luck for me!" like I always did every game of Rons. The last thing we said to each other was "I love you! Cant wait to see you! Have a safe weekend!" Never did I think that those would be my last words to her. Jordan, Marv, Jayme and I went to volleyball together and decided on our way home we'd grab a bite to eat. We got kicked out of the Mcdonalds because they were closing so we decided we'd just have to eat our food on the drive home. Pulling out of Mcdonalds and pulling up to the first traffic light, Jordan gets a call from Ron. Once Jordan answered the phone I could tell something was wrong, especially from Jordans tone of voice. Jordan hung up the phone and began to cry, for those of you that know Jordan you know that he definitely does not cry easily, so I knew right away it was something tragic. So many thoughts were running through my mind, but I would of never have guessed what he was about to tell me..."Nelle passed away and Wazz is in the hospital, they got in a bad car accident." I remember sitting in shock, not being able to believe it. I kept thinking but I was just texting her earlier today?! I was just talking to her and everything was ok?! Ron and them are probably playing around. As these thoughts running through my mind we turn the corner to the crash site, and my heart drops. I remember seeing cop and ambulance cars everywhere. Jordan throws the car in park and we jump out of the car and run, we didnt even turn the car off or close our doors we just ran. We get up to the yellow tape and the police are telling us to get back, I look around and see 3 cars smashed to pieces and flipped over. The police are talking to us but I cant even hear what their saying, were too busy searching for Wazz and Nelle. Ron walks up slowly with two policemen, I look at Ron and his face told it all. We all begin to breakdown, screaming and crying. Slowly more of our family begin to show up at the accident, I remember looking around and seeing all of my family mourn and cry, I've never seen such a depressing site in my whole life. I've never seen such pain and sorrow in my family. The police walk up to us and break the news about Janelles passing, they also tell us to go and stay with Jazmyn because shes barely hanging on. We quickly get in our cars and make our way to the hospital. As we get to the hospital we see more family, and more tears are shed. We sat in the waiting room together trying to absorb everything thats happening. The doctors come out and tell us that Jazmyn will be ok and were able to go in and see her.  Our whole family is there, so the doctors ask that we go in 2 by 2. I wait for my turn to go in and visit Jazmyn, as I walk up to my aunt before I walk in, she asks "Please dont tell Jazmyn about Nelle yet, we need to make sure she will be ok before we tell her." I remember my heart sinking in even more. I walk in the room and see Jazmyn hooked up to so many different things, and I begin to cry even more. I remember walking up to her side and holding her hand asking her if shes going to be ok, I could see all the worry and shock in Jazmyns eyes but yet she still managed to say, "Ness I'll be ok, You dont worry about me, I will be fine." I cried and hugged her and walked out. Our whole family sat in the waiting room in shock and disbelief. So many emotions were running through me I was speechless. Our family decides to travel back to Pioneer Valley Hospital where they had Janelles body, to bid our farewells to her as a family. The ride back to west valley, I was so nervous but my tears had stopped. I kept thinking I cant do this, I cant go in and see her. We pull up to the hospital and walk into the room where Janelles body is lying and Ron right next to her side holding her hand. I stared at her thinking she was just sleeping, I couldnt accept the fact she was gone. As we walk up one by one to kiss and say goodbye to her, tears pour out. I watch my whole family cry hysterically. I walk up to Janelle and stand over her, I so badly wanted to just nudge her a little and tell her to wake up. I was so speechless and didnt know what to say, then I blurt out "Nelle?!" I kept calling her thinking she would wake up and it would all be a joke. But no response. My eyes closed, and the tears once again kept pouring out. I told Janelle I loved her, kissed her forehead and stood back and watched my family bid their farewells to her. I couldnt believe she was gone, her life went so quickly. She was only 25yrs old, she just got married last year. Then a comforting thought came to my mind, she was married and sealed in the temple. She lived her life worthily to enter the house of the lord and be sealed to her eternal companion. Throughout the whole week I witnessed so many spiritual experiences, I could feel Nelles spirit with our family every step of the way. Alot of the times all of us cousins would be sitting around reminiscing about all the good times with Nelle. We kept saying it doesnt feel like shes left. It definitely comforts me to know that shes in a better place, shes with our father in heaven and loved ones that have passed on before. In the past 2 years before she passed I felt I became much closer to her, I believe it was because both of us strived to strengthen our testimonies. She was prepping to marry in the temple and I was prepping to serve a full-time mission. I can still hear her saying "Ness please tell me when you go in the temple! Me and Ron would love to be there." Im excited to enter the house of the lord because I know thats where I'll be closest to her. Instead of focusing on how she left, I'll celebrate and cherish all the great memories I have with her. The examples she left behind are ones that I hope to follow and pass on to those behind me. Never has anything strengthened my testimony so much, I believe she is up there waiting for all of us to reunite once again. Heavenly father needed her up there to continue his work by his side, she fulfilled her earthly duties. The plan of salvation is true, and I know only through this gospel can we be with our families for eternity. I cant imagine heaven without my family, it wouldnt be heaven to me. The plans and teachings of this gospel have never been more clearer to me. Nelle, I love you and I miss you so much! I know ur probably lookin down on me like "geez ness is sucha big crybaby." lol. I will keep the family strong, and assure them that you are ok. I definitely will strive to live my life worthily to return home with you. Love and miss you sis. Rest in Love Nelle(:

Love always and Forever,

Nessa.

Its definitely reassuring to know...."Families are Forever"